Building a healthy relationship
Date
2000
Authors
Pope, Patricia J.
University of Lethbridge. Faculty of Education
Journal Title
Journal ISSN
Volume Title
Publisher
Lethbridge, Alta. : University of Lethbridge, Faculty of Education, 2000
Abstract
When couples come to counselling, they often do so because the behaviours that were
once successful are no longer working for them. Frequently, these couples have little idea
of what actually constitutes a healthy relationship because they have not had an
appropriate model. They are often anxious to discover what a healthy relationship looks
like.
This project has been designed to be used as a supplementary tool in couples'
counselling. It is a series of exercises whose purpose it is to facilitate discussion during
the process of couples counselling and to challenge client behaviours beyond the confmes
of the counselling session. The themes of communication and conflict form the basis of
these exercises whose purpose is to provide relevant information about a healthy
relationship as well as to give clients an opportunity for skill development and practice.
The expectation that clients will regularly complete relevant homework assignments is
implicit in the effective utilization of the communication exercises. Furthermore, an
emphasis on changing behaviours and cognitions is critical to this process that actively
engages clients in the process of their own growth. The exercises deal with topics such as
communication skills, effective listening, boundary issues, intimacy and conflict
resolution. The degree of client engagement and utility is linked directly to the relevance
of the subject matter as well as to the competence and expertise of the counsellor in
utilizing the materials.
The exercises were developed during counselling sessions with couples and were "tested"
with these couples. What has emerged after a vigorous process of organization and
reorganization is a series of 18 exercises that can be used by counsellors to facilitate and enhance a counselling process whose goal is to teach clients the skills that will enable
them to learn and maintain more positive patterns of behaviour. It must be stressed that
the exercises represent a supplementary tool and that good client preparation is essential
to both client engagement and relevance. Furthermore, they have been designed to
identify and track small behavioural changes that will be immediately recognizable to the
clients. Therefore, counsellor affirmation and celebration of small but significant
behaviour change is an important element in the incorporation of the exercises into the
counselling process. The reality that change can occur even in deeply entrenched
relationship patterns is immensely empowering to clients. The role of the counsellor in
guiding a process where couples are challenged to think and to act differently cannot be
over-emphasized. The nature of the counsellor/client collaboration provides the energy
and creativity that will drive the counselling process and maximize the impact of the
communication exercises.
Description
vi, 90 leaves ; 29 cm. --
Keywords
Counseling , Marriage counseling , Man-woman relationships